Understanding Bereavement and the Many Faces of Loss
Loss is something we all experience, yet it can feel incredibly isolating when it happens to us.
When people hear the word bereavement, they often think of death. But in reality, we can grieve many kinds of losses throughout our lives—some visible, some quieter, and sometimes harder to name.
As a counsellor, I often sit with people who are not just grieving a person, but a relationship, a role, a sense of self, or a life they thought they would have.
Whatever the loss, one thing remains true: if it mattered to you, it matters.
Grief Is Personal
There isn’t a “right” way to grieve. We are all unique individuals and our grief is unique too.
Some people feel intense emotions, others feel numb. Some want to talk, others need space. You might find your feelings shifting from one moment to the next—and that’s completely natural.
Grief can show up in many ways:
- Sadness, anger, numbness or disbelief
- Guilt
- Relief
- Difficulty concentrating
- Changes in sleep or appetite
- Tiredness/exhaustion
- Anxiety
- Withdrawal or loneliness
- Questioning meaning or purpose
Grief isn’t something we “get over.” It’s something we learn to carry, in our own way and in our own time.
One of the most important things to understand is this: your grief is valid, no matter the type of loss. Society tends to rank grief, but emotionally, loss is loss. If something mattered to you, its absence will too.
The Different Ways We Experience Loss
Losing Someone We Love
When someone dies, it can feel like the ground has shifted beneath us. Alongside the sadness, there may be shock, anger, relief, guilt.
Losing a Pet
The loss of a pet can be deeply painful. They are often part of our daily lives in a way few others are—offering companionship, comfort, and unconditional presence.
The End of a Relationship
Whether through separation, divorce, or distance, this kind of loss can bring grief not only for the person, but for the future you had imagined together.
Loss of Work or Direction
Work can be closely tied to our identity and sense of purpose. Losing a job or feeling lost in your career can leave you questioning your value or direction.
Losing a Sense of Self
Sometimes people come to counselling saying, “I don’t feel like myself anymore.” This can happen after trauma, burnout, illness, or major life changes.
Loss of Meaning or Purpose
At times in life, we can feel untethered—unsure of who we are or where we’re going. This can feel like a quiet, ongoing kind of grief but deeply unsettling.
Moving Between Grief and Living
One way of understanding grief is that we naturally move between two spaces:
- At times, we are facing the loss—feeling the sadness, longing, or pain
- At other times, we are stepping into everyday life—focusing on tasks, distractions, or even moments of enjoyment
Both are important. You might notice yourself moving back and forth between these—sometimes within the same day. This isn’t avoidance or “doing it wrong.” It’s actually a very human way of coping. Giving yourself permission to rest from grief, and then return to it, can make it feel more manageable.
Giving yourself permission to grieve
Grief can bring up all sorts of thoughts:
- “I should be coping better”
- “It’s been too long”
- “Other people have it worse”
- “If I cry I’ll never stop”
- “It’s not a real loss”
But grief isn’t something that can be measured or compared. Part of healing is allowing your experience to be exactly what it is—without judgement.
You Don’t Have to Do It Alone
Talking to someone who will listen without trying to fix or rush you can make a real difference.
Counselling offers a space where you can bring whatever you’re feeling—whether that’s sadness, anger, confusion, or even nothing at all—and have it met with understanding.
A Gentle Closing Thought
Loss changes us. There’s no way around that.
But within that change, there can also be space—over time—for new meaning, connection, and moments of lightness again.
And until then, it’s okay to take things one step, one moment at a time.
